New invention idea: vibrating tampons
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
