Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
