You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
