I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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