i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Drunk is a universal language darling
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
