you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
