Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
