Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
