Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
