I wannas sexs uuuuu
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
