you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
