I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
