five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
