i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
