I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
