I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
