i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
