Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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