fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
