If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
