You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
