I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
