Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
