I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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