nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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