All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
