Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
