shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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