ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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