i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
