You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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