...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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