Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
