it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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