Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
