Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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