I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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