is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I did not marry a roomba.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
