Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
