i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
