my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
