halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
