but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
