My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
