I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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