I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
