I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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