Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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