He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
