you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
