I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
