watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So squirting runs in the family.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
